Exercises In Futility
by Thisisarealtagwhy
Summary: A low rumbling fills the air and he looks to the barren skies of Titan, a spaceship of some kind descends through the atmosphere, he wonders if it's another enemy, hoping it is so he can take care of some of the dangerous grief spreading through him. (Thor and Tony have a talk about what happened in the years gap on the way home.) HEAVY IN INFINITY WAR SPOILERS


_I just really wanted to write something after seeing that so enjoy the product of my musing in depression because everything's fine i guess. I wasn't that big of a fan of Infinity War, and it didn't exactly live up to the hype but it was still okay to a certain extent._

 _No beta I'm dying like a man, didn't want to bother nobody lmao._

* * *

Tony clutches his hands desperately, as if pushing the very flakes Peter dispersed into were all that was needed to put him together again. It wasn't supposed to be the kid, he wasn't even _supposed_ to be there and yet he was caught in the crossfire because he didn't stay on Earth. Granted, there was a chance that it would have happened on Earth but it would certainly put him at ease (that's a lie, even if Peter was on Earth, there is nothing to stop him from blaming himself).

He's surprised at the sob tearing at the back of his throat, unbidden and unwanted, but even as that thought appears it disappears because _Peter_ is dead and he _shouldn't_ be, he should be on that excursion to the memorial in New York for those lost in the Chitauri, not lying in flakes on the ground.

Who even knows who's alive? Tears stream down his face because _oh god_ what about _Pepper_? His to be wife, she could be _gone_ for all he knows.

There isn't even a body to bury for Peter, and he doubts he'll ever have closure, because Thanos _won,_ he _won,_ and nothing he ever does is going to be good enough. Pausing for thought he wipes the tears away angrily.

So what if Thanos won? If he didn't kill Tony then he might as well go out with a bang, rising to his feet with a half-stumble, he turns to Strange who looks at him with sorrow in his eyes and again he feels irrational rage at the whole bargaining for his life, but, Thanos probably would have gotten all the stones either way.

They weren't _strong_ enough to stop the son of a bitch.

A low rumbling fills the air and he looks to the barren skies of Titan, a spaceship of some kind descends through the atmosphere, he wonders if it's another enemy, hoping it is so he can take care of some of the dangerous grief spreading through him.

"Friend Tony." Thor says, more subdued than Tony ever saw him, particularly in those months between him inviting them into his home before the inevitable break up. In Thor's eyes he can see the tiredness and grief of one with nothing left to lose.

He doesn't say anything, stares at Thor and the racoon that exit the spaceship, "It has been some time."

He nods at that, so, _so_ many things have happened between Thor scorching his lawn and Thanos wiping out half of the galaxy, he looks at the racoon who seems to be searching for something, "Where is everyone?" he sounds desperate and Tony screws his eyes shut.

"Anthony?" Thor asks, moving closer but he shakes his head, grief consuming him until he can't speak around the lump in his throat.

"They're all… gone." He whispers.

The racoon falls to his knees, Strange rises, "This is no place for us to remain, let's go."

Thor's eyes soften (are they different? He can swear that they're heterochromic) and he extends a hand, "I believe I need some catching up."

Tony looks at him before nodding, "You coming?" Strange asks the blue robot.

She gives a short nod, "Might as well get a lift."

They board the tiny pod thing and Tony ends up staying standing near the back it, head bowed in thought. "What happened to the Avengers?" Thor asks instead, and Tony wonders whether he heard it from Bruce or hell, even Steve himself.

He sniffs, trying to ignore how he doubts he'll ever be able to _look_ at Steve again, how this stupid arc reactor on his chest isn't just for his suit but for protection too, because after six bruised ribs, it's harder to sleep at night to be honest. "We… disagreed on something and Steve… he kept something from me and we fought, violently."

"I see." Thor's voice rumbles.

He hates that they're quiet because in silence all he thinks about are not the good thoughts, and dammit all he wants to do is punch something, "What about you? Where have you been Point Break?" He tries his best not to be accusing but after years of nothing he's tired okay?

"Asgard needed me." Thor replies quietly, a quirk of a smile ghosting his lips at the mention of his nickname, "Now, there is no Asgard, it was destroyed."

"What about your people?" He asks because if Asgard is destroyed then what of the gods that were within? What is a planet without it's people?

"Dead, Thanos killed them. My father, mother, a sister I didn't know about, even Loki, they're all dead." Thor admits, and Tony hears the anguish and barely controlled rage in his tone.

He doesn't know what to say to that, sorry is far too inadequate, "What the Captain kept from you, was it of terrible importance?"

Tony nods silently, all he can see is Barnes beating his father's face into a bloody pulp and the tell-tale signs of him strangling his mother.

He clears his throat, drawn with the inexplicable urge to justify himself, "His best-friend, Barnes, was the winter soldier, and he killed my parents. Rogers knew and he didn't… he didn't _tell_ me, Thor, he knew for _two years,_ and not once did he think that it would be right to tell me that Barnes was the one to do it. I understand that it wasn't really Barnes but I couldn't at the time… And then Rogers beat me and left."

Thor looks at him, gaze cutting into his soul, "I understand."

"Do you have any idea of where Thanos went?" He asks.

"None at the moment, why do you ask?"

"I'll go blow that asshat to the closest sun." He says.

"With all of the infinity stones that is suicide." Thor crosses his arms.

Tony shrugs, "Doesn't really matter, does it? Everyone's dead, hell, Pepper could be dead for all I know."

"Bruce and Rhodey both still breathe, even if Rogers has done you a great injury, there are others for you, Anthony." Thor says softly. "And you still have me."

"I'm flattered, truly, but it doesn't change the fact that Peter is… _dead,_ as is half the universe. God, he shouldn't have even _been_ there."

"Peter?"

"He's a- was a little spiderling, but he was _good,_ he was so much better than I ever was, and now he's… dead, it should've been me." Tony murmurs.

"What happened to him can hardly be considered your fault, I doubt there is much that could have been done to prevent Thanos." Thor says, still in that soft tone.

He rubs his face tiredly, scrapes his blunt nails across his skin, "As I said, it doesn't matter, I'll go out against that bastard, one way or another."

"You've changed, Point Break." Tony says belatedly.

"As have you, we all have."

Slowly they descend upon the burning remains of the Earth and without any hesitation, Tony directs the pod to the old Avengers building, he only wants to swing around there for a quick suit change, hopefully get in touch with Pepper.

Because damnit he doesn't want to lose two of the most important people in his life, Rhodey, Bruce, they're still his friends but Rhodey sometimes _isn't_ on his side and Bruce… he's been missing for _years._

But he supposes they still have a mad titan to kill and even if Pepper is… _gone,_ well, screw that.

Because they're the freaking world's mightiest heroes and what's death if at the end of the day, they _all_ die.


End file.
